Life as I know it...

Well... this Sunday was sure an enlightening one. I was thinking about missing again because I have been in an emotional funk lately due to alot of different crap. I recieved a phone call though from the Bishop's assistant... The bishop wanted to speak with me

So I went. I enjoyed it and I felt really good. My appointment with the Bishop was at 3 P.M. so I attended sacrament and Sunday school. I had no clue what my meeting was about so I kept asking questions in my head.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Has he noticed my absence in church?"

"Is he going to ask me about my recent break-up?"

I couldn't find any plausable answers to any of these questions so I was still shrouded in mystery. Still, I walked to the office and he invited me in....and now my life is making a HUGE turn.

I'm going to be serving a mission. We start working on the papers in August and I'm already saving up funds to do what I can. I made the decision when I was 17 that I would think about it. At around January 2009, I made the decision to go but I've always said I wasn't good enough. That God needed someone better to serve than me. I've done some bad things that I've repented of but, I still haven't forgiven myself. I don't feel I deserve it.

I guess the big man sees it differently. I never thought I would actually serve a mission. I never thought I could be worthy enough and my heavenly father would let me. But, it's true. This is an overwhelming experience. I feel so many different emotions it's just mind boggling. I feel happiness, anxiety, fear, excitement. I want to go, but at the same time, I wonder if I'm ready to leave the real world behind for two years.

This is big, this is HUGE! They say you become the person you're meant to be out there. I hope that's true. I want to look in the mirror and say "dude, you're a good guy". Don't get me wrong, I do like myself but I also can't bury the hatchet with my past mistakes. I'm hoping I can let that go and let myself be malleable enough to become molded into a more mature person. Nobody takes me seriously because I'm 19 so who knows? Maybe this will change their perspective :P

It's time for me to start working harder, praying more, studying more, hating less, loving more. I need to become what I'm meant to be. The worthy, unshakable, witnessing me so I can serve at all times, in all things, and all places.

Look out world! Here comes the future Elder Johnson!